{"id":270,"date":"2023-02-27T09:58:28","date_gmt":"2023-02-27T04:28:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/privategirlsinmelboune.com.au\/blog\/have-more-sex-please-dr-claudia-six-phd\/"},"modified":"2023-02-27T09:58:28","modified_gmt":"2023-02-27T04:28:28","slug":"have-more-sex-please-dr-claudia-six-phd","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/privategirlsinmelboune.com.au\/blog\/have-more-sex-please-dr-claudia-six-phd\/","title":{"rendered":"Have More Sex Please – Dr. Claudia Six, PhD"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Sex is good. Sex is healthy. Sex is an essential part of our social fabric. And\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0\u2014 specifically \u2014 should probably be having more of it.<\/p>\n

Americans, in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, are not having enough sex. Across almost every demographic group, American adults old and young, single and coupled, rich and poor are having less sex than they have had\u00a0at any point<\/a>\u00a0in at least the past three decades.<\/p>\n

Sex isn\u2019t the sole form of fulfilling human interaction and certainly isn\u2019t a salve for loneliness in all forms. Still, it should be seen as a critical part of our social well-being, not an indulgence or an afterthought. This is in large part because the rise in loneliness closely parallels a decline in sex. More than a quarter of Americans hadn\u2019t had sex even once in the past year the last time\u00a0the General Social Survey asked<\/a>, in 2021. It was the highest such level of sexlessness in the survey\u2019s history.<\/p>\n

That figure\u00a0includes<\/a>\u00a0almost 30 percent of men under 30, a figure that has tripled since 2008. In the 1990s, about half of Americans were having sex weekly or more \u2014 that figure is now under 40 percent. For many who are having sex, the frequency has dropped precipitously. And it\u2019s not just sex: Partnership and cohabitation are down, too. Less time spent with friends and lovers \u2014 these aren\u2019t distinct issues but symptoms of the same cultural malaise, an isolation that is demolishing Americans\u2019 social lives, love lives and happiness.<\/p>\n

Estimates<\/a>\u00a0vary<\/a>, but somewhere between a third and two-thirds of Americans report being lonely. Loneliness exists on a feedback loop: Fraying cultural bonds, damaged physical health and reduced social contact both exacerbate loneliness and are exacerbated by it, to the point that loneliness\u00a0lowers life expectancy<\/a>. Loneliness is a challenging phenomenon for researchers to quantify, but there are telltale signs \u2014 and they point to a society losing its way. The number of Americans who report having no close friends at all has quadrupled since 1990,\u00a0according to<\/a>\u00a0a Survey Center on American Life study. An average American in 2021 spent 58 percent less time with friends than in 2013,\u00a0the Census Bureau found<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Covid-19 has contributed to the spike in loneliness and the decline in sex, but is only partially responsible. Between 2014 and 2019, the decrease in time people spent with friends was\u00a0greater<\/a>\u00a0than it was during the pandemic. And during the pandemic, many Americans spent more and more time alone, with neither friends nor romantic partners. Younger Americans are, infamously,\u00a0less likely<\/a>\u00a0to have sex than their parents\u2019 generations \u2014 and when they do have sex, they\u2019re doing it with\u00a0fewer partners<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In my work as a writer covering sex and culture, I have\u00a0spoken to dozens of men<\/a>\u00a0for whom a lack of sex is the defining characteristic of their daily life. It shapes their interests, their motivations, their hopes. Some are incels \u2014 short for \u201cinvoluntary celibates,\u201d believers in a toxic, misogynistic ideology \u2014 but more are not. Some believe the pursuit of sex will be\u00a0entirely futile<\/a>. In turn, they\u2019ve begun to interpret going out, spending time with friends and meeting new people as futile, too. This thinking becomes cyclical \u2014 soon, they\u2019re not only afraid of failing to find a sexual partner but they also grow to fear even platonic social interactions. Sex is only\u00a0one component of their overall isolation<\/a>\u00a0but is in many cases the one upon which the overall problem hinges.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to brush these men off as anomalies, or to label their state as a result of personal failings or even the consequences of modern masculinity. But while much of the research around the decline in sex focuses upon young men, almost every group of Americans is experiencing the absence of sex \u2014 and the consequences are profound. If a lack of sex is affecting the cultural and social participation of these young men, it\u2019s likely to be affecting the rest of us, too. A lack of sex can easily translate into less socialization, fewer families and a sicker population: Sex\u00a0reduces pain<\/a>, relieves stress,\u00a0improves sleep<\/a>,\u00a0lowers blood pressure<\/a>\u00a0and strengthens heart health.<\/p>\n

Writers like myself have made male sexlessness a well-known issue, even as women are in the same bind. Data from\u00a0the General Social Survey<\/a>\u00a0actually suggests they may be having even less sex than men. In 2021, roughly a quarter of women under 35 reported having had no sex in the past year. For men, the figure was 19 percent. And women who are having sex are less likely to be happy with the sex they\u2019re having. Both men and women report feelings of regret and unhappiness following casual sex, but\u00a0it\u2019s more common among women<\/a>\u00a0\u2014 probably in part because of cultural perceptions of sexual autonomy. Sex can bring people together, but that only works when it\u2019s good sex.<\/p>\n

Not only are women and men marching together into sexlessness; they\u2019re also on the same road to loneliness. Young women were more likely than men\u00a0to report losing touch<\/a>\u00a0with friends during the pandemic, and\u00a0a British study<\/a>\u00a0found that women were more likely than men to report feeling lonely \u201coften\u201d or \u201calways.\u201d Reporting often focuses on young-male sexlessness \u2014 and on incel ideology \u2014 but the decline in sex and rise in loneliness and social isolation are not male problems. In 21st-century America, loneliness is essentially omnipresent, and the high schooler\u2019s clich\u00e9 fear that \u201ceveryone else is having sex\u201d has never been less true.<\/p>\n

There is no one solution. The loneliness epidemic has been brought about by myriad factors that have been exacerbated over decades. Social media is one culprit; the 20th century\u2019s war of attrition against walkable communities is another. But as loneliness has accelerated, it has become self-perpetuating: Our current societal loneliness \u2014 and sexlessness \u2014 is a result of social and cultural shifts, while its continuation perpetuates those shifts further.<\/p>\n

The loneliness epidemic may be a societal issue, but it can be solved, at least partly, at the level of individual bedrooms. Those of us in a position to be having more sex ought to be doing so. Here is the rare opportunity to do something for the betterment of the world around you that involves nothing more than indulging in one of humanity\u2019s most essential pleasures.<\/p>\n

Having more sex is both personal guidance \u2014 your doctor might well agree \u2014 and a political statement. American society is less connected, made up of individuals who seem increasingly willing to isolate themselves. Having more sex can be an act of social solidarity.<\/p>\n

Not everyone who wants to have more sex is easily capable of doing so. Disabilities, religious objections, asexuality and any set of day-to-day restrictions and responsibilities curtail or close off sex for many. There may be some who simply do not want to have more sex, or any sex at all. But even those who won\u2019t have more sex should avoid apathy. Sex is intrinsic to a society built on social connection \u2014 and right now, our connections and our sex lives are collapsing alongside each other.<\/p>\n

Many people \u2014 like some of the young men I have spoken to in my work \u2014 have resigned themselves to displacing their sexual desires, relying entirely on porn or other online stimuli, mirroring so many types of relationships that have been subsumed into the digital world. As a balm for loneliness, digital sex can be little better than digital friendship \u2014 a source of envy, resentfulness and spite, a driver of loneliness rather than a cure for it. It\u2019s no match for the real thing.<\/p>\n

So, anyone capable should have sex \u2014 as much as they can, as pleasurably as they can, as often as they can.<\/p>\n

By Magdalene J. Taylor for the New York Times<\/p>\n<\/div>\n